Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Dear YouTube, A Letter of Professional, yet Mothering, Love and Chastisement

Dear YouTube,

           I have know you for the largest part of your life. I remember when you were little and no one knew what to do with you, but they knew you'd grow to be big. I was there when Google bought your rights and you transitioned into the backend organization style that is so uniquely theirs that it's painful. Like a strangely brilliant child's sewing, flip you over and you're beautiful. Turn you the other way around and you don't make a lick of sense. I'm still here now, watching as you struggle to evolve again.
          Your moments of brilliance were like supernovas, unforgettable if you watched them, but impossible to find once gone. It's like that now. Pay per view was short term, but it gave us Gangnam style. I watched it 15 times. I'm going to go watch it again. Your approach to Fair Use allows for momentary re-lives that were going to replace full movie rewatches anyway as society's attention span drifted from hours to- oh, look, a kitty.
           Now you're moving to (sorry, just went and watched a part of Gangnam style) a channel style format. I've been begging you to do it for a year. Gaming.Youtube.com is an amazing idea. But you're Google. You're the guys who will create a social network and brand it for people who aren't social. I don't know how to explain this, so I'll be blunt. YouTubers are social. Even in my YouTube persona, I - an introvert- am social. I'm so self sufficient that you could drop me naked in a jungle and I'd survive, yet, on YouTube, I socialize.
            But I (Gagnam is still playing, btw) do love you. I love you for moments like this, and so I'll let you in on a few mainstream "normie" secrets I've learned from having mainstream normie friends (I'm a 2k Barbie Girl, I collected a diverse clique). You are your brand and content is king. So your VGJs, your top grossers- they need to let us know about YouTube changes occasionally. Listen to them in return, especially about the comments. You don't need a grammar quiz to filter posting, but you are king of the algorithm- make something happen and they'll be your friends forever. Get along.
           A few more excerpts from the normal world. Where do Channels go (anyone with a TV chime in) ON THE HOME PAGE. You don't turn on your TV and see weird recommendations, just like you don't open your door to go somewhere and find someone standing there. Where do recommendations go UNDER FAVORITES (just rename Channels for f***'s sake). Live feeds rule- they're your "Only I can do this/I am all that is Man" niche. But they need a host (Remember that part about your VGJs and grossers loving you forever? A corner widget will keep them and, by extension, people like them, live 24/7).
           In short, you've made it this far, through so many booms and communications changes. I've watched you blossom and close like a little flower bud as the seasons change. Don't wither now, hit full bloom. Go mainstream, everyone else has. For f***'s sake.

With all that is, has, or ever could be, Sincerity,
Anne Jindra

Tatianna Anne Jindra
On YouTube

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